Concerned first part is a bit TMI

I'm starting to become concerned that irrationality will become a permanent fixture in my life. After 4 months can I claim hormones still? I know my insides are still all freaky and I never thought I'd say this but, I'd really like a normal period again. I skipped one, the one after was very light and creepy! I'm beginning to wonder if my body is so pissed it is not going back to normal out of spite.

But back to the irrationality.

I think I need a daycare a few days a week. I'm beginning to growl at people and cry over ridiculous reasons. I need more help as it's starting to feel that Kane is strapped to me 24/7. So what do I do? Yell at Jack. When he tries to take the baby, I shout "I've GOT him" and carry the baby in another room. In all fairness, he doesn't help me enough. He still spends the exact same amount of time in front of his computer as he did before Kane. He doesn't take initiative to pick him up if he's fussing. The day Kane was screaming I almost killed him when he sighed in a really annoyed way and put headphones on. He really did. I started to walk to the kitchen to get a knife to stab him and, luckily for him, forgot.

Getting off topic again.

Someone says something to me that makes perfect sense to the rest of the world. But to me, I hear something else. A book club I belong to takes about 10 days to get a new book. I know this. Yet after 3 days I'm on the phone shouting at their customer service and swearing to cancel. I know I'm being an idiot. Yet words keep coming out making me MORE of an idiot.

The on/off switches of my brain and mouth that I was an expert with for so long is broken and the store is saying they don't make them anymore. So now what do I do?

Having breasts that aren't the best.

I will start this saying I do not breast feed and I never actually wanted to. Some Mothers choose this and YAY for you! However this is to address the rabid Mommy's that insist if you don't breast feed you are evil and/or don't care about your child. I have this to say.

BITE ME!

Stop spreading lies in your ridiculous need to have everyone do the exact same thing you do in some crazy need to reassure yourself you are doing something good. Look on websites like About.com, or eHow under bottle feeding and look below at the comments from these women. I've seen packs of rabid dogs nicer!

Some of the lies I've seen.

1. If you don't breastfeed, your baby won't bond with you as much.

Bullshit. Your baby does not have to be latched onto your boob to bond. Feeding times can be a VERY bonding experience for both breast and bottle feeders. It's more about eye to eye contact and touch than what the baby is sucking on. Stop telling that lie!

2. Your baby won't learn the proper way to suck and/or his mouth won't form correctly.

Again, bullshit. Babies mouths change due to growing, not bottles and boobs. I've actually found from my own conversations with both breast and bottle moms that bottle babies stay on their food more easily as they don't have to make the transistion from breast to bottle.

3. A breast fed baby is always healthier.

LIES! While it is true that formula is currently not exact to breastmilk, it is NOT always more healthy. To the moms that eat organic, drink the right amount of water, and watch their diets like a hawk, you have my admiration and I agree, breast feeding is perfect for you!

But you eat at McDonalds 4 times a week, soda guzzling, fat and sugars eating breast mommies? I DARE you to tell me you provide more healthy sustenance than formula. Go ahead..try.

To the Moms that breastfeed: The most of you I admire for the dedication as it's not easy and it's time consuming/painful/etc.

To the Moms that bottlefeed either by choice or necessity: Don't feel bad for bottlefeeding. Don't let anyone try to make you feel bad for making that decision. Bottle does NOT mean bad Mommy and it's time to stop feeling bad or having to explain yourself.

To the rabid 'breast is always best' Mom's: Shut up. Go argue about something else and let people make decisions for their OWN children. Shockingly, most of us know our children better than you do.

New Baby and new sizes.

I got an unexpected gift when Kane came. About 3 pants sizes and 35 pounds gift. Is there an easy way to return it? I never had a problem with working out or weight before so I'm at a bit of a loss. Actually time seems to be my biggest rival coupled with my inherent hatred of working out around others.

I kinda made myself laugh when I re-read what I just wrote as reality smacked me and I remembered that it took all my energy today to crawl out of bed and feed Kane. I think I'm passed the sleep deprivation vacation spot and have now entered Get-Away-From-Me-Or-I'll-Kill-You-If-I-Get-A-Second-Wind place. No worries though. I am not feeling anger or resentment toward Kane that they warn happens before a mommy snaps. I'm more resentful of everyone else for no reason.

Scenario 1:

Jack and I are playing computer games while the baby is playing in his swing. Even though I am playing a game my attitude is

"Oh yeah..go ahead and play your stupid game! I WISH I could play a game!"

Rationality nor reality has no part in my world right now I fear.

Scenario 2: At the grocery store or any public place:

Someone wanders into the path my eyes have mapped that I want to walk. I may be standing still but I PLANNED that walk and THEY are just morons because THEY don't have a 3 month old screaming at home and therefor should get the hell out of my way.

Again..not rational and I might care about this more if I WASN'T SO DAMN TIRED!

Child? What?

Let me tell you a story.

There was once a woman. We will call her Jenn. She was floating through life without many cares. Pretty selfish in terms of privacy, giving, and wants. As everyone knows the entire universe will implode if someone lives an entire life like that so the fates had to step in.

Cue the guy. Oh what a guy for her! Perfect! He is very smart and realizes it too! Engagement happens! YAY! Our couple are on their way to happiness and being selfish together! JOY!

But wait! Hmm why did that monthly cycle not come? Well it's new birth control maybe it just messed up the cycle. For laughs we'll take a test to be sure cause who doesn't love peeing on a stick after all?

OMG!WTF!HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!PLEASE SHOOT ME! OMGOMG!

The baby was on his way to destroy the selfish lifestyle and change, everything.


This is the first blog entry. If you are reading this then welcome to the crazy! I'm not a long post sort of person so if you have ADD like me, we will be best friends!